Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize