The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
