im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
where am i from again
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize