Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
