So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
