Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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