My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
