I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
