apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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