I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
