y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
