I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
