he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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