There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize