would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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