Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
