i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
