areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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