I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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