matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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