problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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