I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
