Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
