Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
