Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
