why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
