I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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