I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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