I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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