Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wish there were birth control emojis
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
