Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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