I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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