So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
