We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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