I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize