I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
