so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
