Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize