let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
