my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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