Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
