I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
