How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize