try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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