Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
