found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
