don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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