I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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