when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
