after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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