i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
