If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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