I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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