I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
