I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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