i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
