I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You made out with two different species that night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
