I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
