she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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