When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my sisters under your porch take her home
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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