I CAN MOONWALK!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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