just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
