so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
