Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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