It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
