Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
