he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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