Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
