I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
