Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
