omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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